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The other side of Midnight
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26th-Jan-2007 08:07 pm(no subject)
a moment in the fog, damp and cold. rummaging through an old beaten up box of trinkets and collectibles. searching frantically for something to be inside, something to be growing, something to be alive. wishing and praying to God. the fog is thick like cream, heavy like floating, dark like the other side of midnight. i can see you though, at the bottom, fluttering every so quickly. i can see you but i can't touch you just yet.
19th-Dec-2006 04:38 pm(no subject)
Trembling hands roam across a belly, empty and vacant. Searching for the fullness that once was there. Scraching at the skin, digging to find the lost innocence. Nothing is found. Only empty lies and a broken heart, pieces scattered around dirty toes. Tears splash into the pieces only to flood and wash clean the bleeding mess. Alone. Dirty. Naked. Almost. Clean. Watching the world spin a million times over before I remember to forget. Forget what? I’m not sure, nothing ever existed except me and the new life, just for me, just for my love, lost forever. Never to have, never to hold, never to watch grow. Always a ghost inside my smile, hiding just behind the empty blue of my eyes. You can see it if you look close. The hands, empty, the belly, empty, the mind, full of useless memories and ideas and what ifs. You came to me on the other side of midnight, standing in the waves and balancing out forever and yesterday on the palm of your hand. I wanted the spinning of it all to slow down, so I could remember where I left my breath. It wasn’t in my pocket where I left it before. Hands roam the length of the flesh, maybe you crawled away from the belly and found yourself resting in the bend of my knee. You aren’t there either, I lost you. I lost you from the inside of my own skin and you took the best of me with you.
19th-Dec-2006 04:26 pm(no subject)
The inspiration rolls down my fingers, dripping onto the paper, soaking into the fibers and burning a hole through my already bruised soul. Dramatic. I can’t find the words with out your voice inside my ears, licking the edges of my lobes, suffocating my hearing, till there is only you. Only you and your naked touch. Dipping your fingers and toes into the water of the devil, rubbing down the small of my back and staining my freshly moisturized skin. You find your way into my mind, into the middle of my room and drip emptiness onto the hardwood floor. I’ve told you before to clean it up before you go, so the stain doesn’t smell of you. The smell of leaves burning into the autumn air and dirty towels thrown into the corner of the room. I can’t believe you still find your way into me. Into my secrets and insanity. Into a part of me that has remained hidden and safe from everyone but you. Distance and disaster dangle outside of your reach. I’m open only to you in a dream, a nightmare of a moment with bleeding trees and silent screams. Then it happens, the distance drops into the space between and together we come. It only happens inside the dream and I love sleep the most.
13th-Oct-2006 06:21 pm(no subject)
You make me feel as if I need to repent for sins I have yet to commit. You, with your vowels and i’s before e’s. I walk in circles when it comes to you, bright yellow with specks of pinks and greens. I poison myself with you. Wanting to know but knowing better than to want. So tempting, I need more than you have to give. Inside my broken memory you sit and ooze with a remedy. You know what to give me and you know what I need. Restless legs tremble. Dirty fingers roam. You are the part of me that makes me dirty. Endless. Yesterday could come and tomorrow could vanish and today could fade into the background, we would still exist. Somewhere in the middle of all this motion we lay together. Silent with sweet raspberry filled chocolates at our finger tips. We are timeless and our chocolate is orgasmic.
27th-Jul-2005 06:17 am - i wanted your approval...
I saw you today from a distance
You weren’t smiling
Your coat was torn
Your jeans faded and dirty
On the tips of your fingers I saw anger
Sadness rested in the palm of your hand
You were hiding the happiness behind your ears
I new you were pretending
Pretending for the company you keep
I wanted to walk up to you
Hand you sweet candies
And sit down
With the cool breeze blowing through my hair
And talk about the future we lost
I wanted to drink warm caffeine with you
And secretly watch you look at other girls asses
I stood in the corner watching you
Hiding from the truth
Hiding from the anxiety of you
You scratched your chin
And wiped the stains from me onto the back of your jeans
I just laughed at you
Laughed because I knew I didn’t know you anymore
Our knowing was no longer knowledge
We could only remember what we use to know
And learn from someone different now
You turned and faced me
I held my breath hoping I would not lose it
Our eyes met
For second
Then you faded away
No smile upon your face
Just a simple good-bye rested on your cheeks
Your eyes weren’t as blue for me
As before
28th-Mar-2005 02:33 pm(no subject)
I’ve forgotten how to write...how silly of a statement. How can one forget how to when one is doing the forgotten task....yesterday I thought about how the words use to spill from my dirty mouth like the truth spills from the innocent. I thought about the way your hands would erase the pain and jot down untold secrets on the small of my back. You always wrote the sweetest things. Things about our lust, our hatred for one other, the way my eyes moved on the crest of crazy. I always knew I’d love you forever, but I never knew it would be like this. I never knew I would taste you while eating grapes, exploding inside my cheeks and tingling down my throat. I never knew I’d turn my head, swinging my blonde hair into the wind just to see if you were behind me...see, I told you, I’ve forgotten how. Forgotten how to remember you. Forgotten how to make the words sound painfully sweet. I’ve forgotten how to make those around me feel sorry for my endless babble. I’ve been given perfection only to wish it would fade so my words could stain virgin paper and cause me to laugh and wipe the tears from my cheeks. My nails dig into memories only to pull out laughter and starched shirts instead of your old dirty ball cap, rusted metal and an empty tomorrows resting inside my smile. Strange how sadness creates beauty yet the euphoria I’m tasting now only is that, a taste, a smell with out adjectives. I’m no longer a shell, I’m complete, I’m happy, I’m safe and secure, I’m just that, me. No creativity, no reason to cry, no reason to scream out and cuss my bruised knees. I’m simple now. You are still as complex as you ever could be, only entering my dreams to tell me you are ok, then kissing my eyelids and making my body moan and twist hoping your hand will land where it shouldn’t. I wake to find my perfection. Resting, not touching, never lusting, just being happy. I need lust. I need spit and fluids to chill my breasts when the wind from the summers rain drifts across my nakedness. I need hands to roam and tingle the private truths we all have. I need to feel as if my mind is going to explode inside your mouth with your sour tongue massaging my thighs and what I hold between. My perfection only rests, gently now, forgetting how to lust after me, forgetting how to throw me against the walls causing the ceiling to fall down around us. All of this, causes me to forget how to write, to forget how to be beautiful, to forget how to feel lust. I lost after him. Every day, he doesn’t smell it the way you would. The forgotten seems to be remembered in moments where I forgot I needed it so badly. I’m sure I’ll forget again tomorrow and I’m sure you’ll make sure to remind me as I sleep.
16th-Sep-2004 11:12 am(no subject)
You haunt my dreams, creep up into the middle and spill out over the edges like frantic vanilla rum. You trickle down the sides and puddle up at my feet. Running in a circle attempting to clean up your newly created mess. I wipe it up, throw it away, come back and there you are again, standing in denim and a navy ball cap, hand extended with dirty nails, that blood red smirk across your face and tainted, sweet milk dripping from your mouth. I can’t go with you. I know this. You shouldn’t even be here, making your messes and forcing me to clean them up. You shouldn’t be in side of this dream. It wasn’t meant for you. The velvet curtains give a low mellow beating rustle as the winter wind chills the inside of the window seal. Your eyes roam the length of my naked body, tracing the outline of my curves and collarbones. You want to taste me. You want to suck up the nectar that runs down my thighs and hold it in the deep part of your mouth. To savor everything you no longer taste. You aren’t supposed to be doing that. This dream is no longer yours. The curtains beat the walls now, very heavy, very dark, very cold with a warm layer attempting to burry the bitterness of winter. You spill a little more now, out into the middle of my new hard wood floor. Damn you. I just had that cleaned. I need you to stop touching me like that. Stop pulling me along the hallway that grows with every step. I will not lie down next to you. I will not wrap my legs around your waist and laugh insanely as my golden hair falls across my eyes, giving you the perfect moment to brush it back and poison my lips with the past tense of you. This isn’t us anymore. The dogs are howling at the moon and your eyes light up with fire. Dead roses hang inside a broken emerald green vase. I reach out, hoping to grab onto something other than you and your smell, the smell of passion and dirt. I don’t want that anymore. You need to leave this dream. You can not have it back. I continue to wipe up your mess, you laugh at my useless efforts. A silent whisper escapes my lips. Maybe, if I didn’t wipe with the sleeves of my shirt, I could forgot how to feel inside your arms….
29th-Jul-2004 07:42 pm(no subject)
I find my way around it. Around the inside. Around the truth. I find a way to tip-top topless through your mind as if my memory were even an illusion. I am avoidant of the truth. I am avoiding of anything that brings suffering to my already suffered soul. Then it flows. Flows like milk and honey, rich, thick and creamy like the inside of my thighs. Your tongue lapping frantically, hoping to suck up the moisture you created. I find my way around it though. Find my eyes distant and dull. Gazing into the past, searching for when I wasn’t so broken. When I wasn’t so damaged and bruised. I should come with a warning label. A sign that reads “Caution, curves ahead, slippery when wet and slick when icy.” I should have broken down years ago. I should be sitting in a corner rocking my lil brains out my ears but yet I survived, some how. Managed to wiggle my way across insanity and pinch a lil piece off for luck. The insane are the ones that ultimately survive you know. Insane. Like I said, I find my way around it. Around the hurt, around the outside, around the middle. I find myself around anything that involves honesty and anything that involves my own feelings. What are those anyway? Dirty fingers dig deep into your back as you think you are blowing my mind. It’s all smoke. I’m unable to be blown. Unable to be amazed. Unable to be entertained. I was thrown from reality years ago. Smashed into a windshield of a car. Erasing all emotions and at least 1/8th of my memory. I am still swimming in a sea of shattered glass and cognitive disorders trying to doggy paddle my way to the edge of this hell. The edge of a mind that feels as if I am constantly chewing on aluminum foil. Grinding my teeth down into the fierce material. The electric cringe that races through your body after that can’t be forgotten, I live it every day, it’s all I know. My mind aches and throbs and I can’t find my way back to a soothing silence. It rings out daily, pounding inside my head. Your tongue laps up the corners, I can’t hear you, all I taste is empty air and all I feel is numb skin pretending to accept the fingers roaming along my rib cage, stomach and hip bones. I find my way around it, around who I really am. I find a way to flash a smile and cause a twinkle to dance across my crystal blue eyes long enough for you to fall back in love with a girl that died in February of 2002. You never knew her. I wish I still did. I’ll find my way around that as well.........
8th-Jun-2004 06:53 pm - random crap
Heat from a sweet Southern summer settles across the brim of deep purple mountains. Laying wide open in a vacant field of sun-ripened daisies we wait for the heavens to open and pour down onto us the holy drenching moisture. By our side rets a dusty bottle, half full of sweet dandelion wine. You make me intoxicating to the touch. The heat suckles the nectar from my pores and your salted tongue takes advantage; lapping the fresh liquid from the back of my knees, the corners of my mouth and the inside of my thighs.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

You left me tangled in our sheets empty yet full of you. I search for the moment I had all of you, all of everything. At the foot of our broken down bed I dig my nails into the old sagging mattress. It cries out in agony, begging me to stop and asking me to crawl back into it, letting it rest between my thighs like you have done many heated nights. I give into the request and fall deep with in the comfort of your scent, musky and testosterone filled. Bruised fingertips caress endlessly, feeling the smooth skin understanding your pleasure in this simple touch. Wet and warm-throbbing for more-I escape back into the memory of your truth deep inside me. Moans escalade from my open mouth, wishing I tasted your salty essence on the top of my tongue. Explosions of color fill my eye lids; purple, pink, deep blue and vibrant yellow settling back down to a cooling orange. Purring madly I open my eyes to the emptiness that surrounds with out your spirit. The moon peaks into the silence and drips with desire.
8th-Apr-2004 11:46 am(no subject)
i realized it was coming
i could smell it
no taste it in the back on my throat
and on the tip of my pierced tongue
i looked into your eyes and only saw yesterday
tomorrow didn't exist
i break everything i touch
i constantly touch myself
so i'm broken more and more every day
i want to open back up
i want to breathe again
i want to feel as if i am worth it all
the demons of my bittersweet ending
dance randomly around my room
i told them to go away
nicely even
they didn't listen
they laughed and told me to shut the hell up
they'd stay as long as they wanted
cause they knew me better than i know myself
i'd believe that.
especially the way they lay with me at night
one rubbing my feet
the other brushing the hair from my face.
i hate when they giggle as i sleep
just knowing the other has dipped himself into my dreams
and raped my mind as i sleep
the demons
how in love with them am i
to not say goodbye
to not kick them out
i brought them with me you realize
i brought them half way across this state
even though i wanted to bury them long ago
in the back yard at the base of a mighty mountain
i couldn't do it thought
couldn't escape
couldn't end the pain that is lust
the sun shines outside my window that can not be opened
i sit here, in a room with nothing more than a memory and a lap top
who am i remembering for
no one other than myself
and i don't really want to remember do i
i wish they'd leave their hands out of my skirt
away from my thighs
that doesn't belong to them anymore
my mind needs to escape the grasp of my own mind
i can't do it
i can't create a world with out them
they are me
i am them
we are one
and i'm insane
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